Is hope a good thing?

Sometimes I wonder if I should waste my energy hoping.  The more I hope that Madison will outgrow her seizures the harder I get hit every time she gets another one. 

After the 3 months with no seizures I was so hopeful that we can may be stop the medication some time this year and see how she would do on her own. 

But no, that was too much to ask. 

I keep blaming myself for not reading up on this vaccination propaganda before i took her to the doctor. Can't really blame my pediatrician, assuming that he does what he believes is right. IF he vaccinates his four children then he apparently believes that this is the way to go. But I do have the right to think for myself and I don't agree.  Who do I blame?

Well if I have to blame someone, and I don't necessarily do, but I am angry. I am angry at myself for letting this slip by me and I am angry at a society that blindly accepts everything they are sold.

Do we all go and buy products because we see the shiny ads and brainwashing commercials? Yes, sometimes we do. But sometimes we also second guess and ask around for other's opinions and if we are gullible enough to do it once we don't go and buy the same thing again if we don't like it and if it doesn't perform to our standards?

So why don't we do the same with inoculations? After all the whole thing is one big ad campaign the pharmaceutical companies asked the government to do for them.

How much longer are we going to keep our eyes shut and ears deaf?

For how much longer would our kids will have to suffer the dangers of genetically engineered viruses shot up into heir little bodies?

For how long will we just stand there and let the state and federal government make the choice for our kids' health and well being? 

After all isn't that our choice? Isn't that our right to look out for our children that is being taken away right under our noses?

When was the last time that your pediatrician asked YOU should your child be vaccinated ?

So I wonder should I hope that things might change during my lifetime, or my daughter's lifetime? Or should I give up the hope?

E

Vaccinations???

After 2 seizures in two days in dawned on us that Madison had just gotten her MMr shot this previous Wednesday.

I know that many will say there is no point in blaming myself but just a it of googling will have you having a second thought about giving your child the shot. Especially if she has a history of seizures.

Apparently the measles shot alone increases the likelihood of a febrile seizures three times. The mumps shot  is also known to cause convulsions. Put them together and add the rubella in the mix to take another jab at your already lowered immunity and you have a recipe for disaster  even if you child doesn't have epilepsy to begin with. On top of that doctors like to give 20lb babies more than one shot per visit so we also got the Pneumococcal shot to prevent pneumonia.

Now up until now I blindly trusted my doctor's judgement thinking that it's better for her to get the shots than get sick, since getting sick also can predispose her to have seizures. But a little reading done a little bit too late has changed my mind. No one will look out for the best interest of my child but me. 

Most importantly I need to make sure i stay informed from al different source because the government and our doctor's  medical opinions seem to be very lopsided to say the least.

E

It's snowing...

It's snowing outside and i am sitting here next to my asleep little angel. It sounds like a perfect winter Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately she had another seizure earlier today. We were outside and i had decided not to take her Diastat because we were only going to the store and it would be impossible to give it to her outside with all the clothing she had  and in the cold.

Well I am sure that it's one of Murphy's laws that the one time you don't take a medication is the one time you will need it.

I stopped on the corner of 93rd and Amsterdam to put her gloves on. Right there and then a bunch of stupid scared pigeons dashed over our heads. Madison gave a little shriek, and i somehow knew then that she was going to have one. She arched her back and started convulsing. I started running as fast a I could to get home and give her the Diastat. By the time we got in the elevator she was already going out of it. The whole thing lasted no more than 3-4 min, so she didn't need the Diastat. It could have been that she got scared from the pigeons or that she got frustrated  that i was putting gloves on her.   Or it could have been neither of those.

She fell asleep right away and has been drifting in and out of sleep ever since.

The poor little thing. she was doing so good. IT has been more that 12 weeks since she had one. This time was the first since we started her on Depakote. I was hoping that we would be able to have her off the medicine in another 6 months or so.

I started the process of getting her developmentally evaluated. I am waiting for them to call and schedule the appointments to have the specialist come to our house and do the evaluation. She is a bright little thing and I am afraid that the drugs and the seizures are slowing her down.

E