How does it feel to be Jewish?

Honestly not much different than I felt before. It was a great Friday night Service and the Rabbi was as sweet as always. We said a prayer and I read a passage from the book of Ruth and I got a certificate stating that I have diligently studied Judaism( and we already spilled olive oil from the leftovers of our Italian dinner on it)It was a really beautiful ceremony but I don't really feel anymore Jewish than I felt before. I think that comes with time. During the service I was thinking that the conversion is not the goal we have studied to achieve, it's the beginning of a lifelong journey to explore who we are and what exactly is our relationship with God.
OK, enough theological rambling.It has been a while since I have written and I wanted to write so many things but forgot most of them any way. I'll have to do with what my invalid pregnant brain remembers.
We flew to San Francisco and that was not a pleasant flight. Despite my best efforts to stay hydrated and walk around every 20 minutes or so my calves were the size of a fire hydrant, throbbing and hurting and looking gross.
The landing got a bit rough so all safety instructions aside I got up as we were about to touch ground and waddled down the aisle, where a seated flying attendant forgot all he was ever taught about safe landings and just pointed me to the lavatory, strongly suggesting that he did not wish to clean up a mess after me in the main cabin. Despite all the turbulence I threw up safely and returned to my seat while we were approaching our gate.
By the next morning I was fine and ready to enjoy my stay in SF.
We drove down to Carmel where we stayed overnight. It is a gorgeous little town but quite bring if you don't have enough money to spend $100 on meals and shop in unbelievably overpriced boutiques.WE drove down to Big Sur and fell asleep on Pfeiffer beach.
On the way back we stopped at Monterey but instead of visiting the Aquarium we found a nice Mexican restaurant overlooking the bay and enjoyed our fajitas while watching a lazy sea lion sunbathe for over an hour and three more active ones jumping in and out of the water.
It was quite a nice trip yet I think I prefer the wine country.
We had a day back in NY on thrusday where I had to meet 3 brokers, go to 2 Doctor's appts, have a glucose test done and go to school. And on top of all that I managed to see my friend Hris visiting from Vegas with her Family.
Early Friday morning we headed to Tampa and I converted to Judaism- I went over that already.
I think all this commotion and flying right and left tired and Maddie and she became very quiet and scared because I wouldn't feel her move for very long periods of time.Then by the time we drove from Tampa to Boca Raton I wasn't feeling very well and spent the rest of the day in bed trying to catch a movement in my belly.
By nighttime, however, I was feeling better and she started to move and by the time I was trying to go to sleep she started kicking again.
So in a nutshell this was my week.

It is so real!!

First of all Congratulations Karen, for your baby boy Oliver who finally decided to come- I think he actually came on his due date but I know you were happy to get him out of you.
Hope everything is well and hope to hear from you soon.
Me, I am doing great, my scale keeps trying to convince me that I weigh 150 lbs but I don't trust it any more.
Little Madison is performing giant acrobatic routines in my womb, I hope you are enjoying yourself as much as I am. The hiccups are not the most pleasant experiece in the world but other than that she makes me laugh.
I feel like I have my own little personal friend growing inside of me. I didn't even feel lonely when Jeff went away for two days, because I had the company of little precious Maddi.
My doctor laughed at me and said they will be betting on when I ask for drugs, all that because I said I would like to try a natural birth with no drugs. I don't kow if I will be able to do it but it is worth a try. I am even contmeplating on whjether I should go to birthing classes- I feel confident that my body will know what to do and I just need to follow my natural instincts. I would like to go so I find out the logistics like when to call the doctor and when to go to the hospital but I am not sure that i want to spend $270 for that- I can just ask the doctor.
Meanwhile I am feelng more and more happy with myself and the world around me- I think Madison is already making me a better person.
Or may be it is my therapist. I am not sure what exactly it is that helps but I feel more at home with my own fears and issues. Talking crtainly helps but also those conversations stimulate my own internal dialogue( the same one i have been trying to quiet for so long) and I ask myself questions that have not poped into my mind yet. Why am I insecure?
Why do I expect criticims every step of the way and can't accept when its constuctively given to me. How exactly does that relate to my relationship with my parents? what relationship do I want to have with my parents?
well, I would like to be able to have a civil relationship with them and i would like to not feel uncomfortable around them but don't know how to go about it.
Why do I always seek other's approval or criticism and care so much of what others think? Is it because I crave attention, or because I want some kind of reaction that i never got from my parents. I think that once i get to the bottom of all this I will be much more comfotable with my life.
I have now stopped rushing throuh everything and enjoy every litlle second of every action. I recognize that I have the time for everything.
I have stopped thinking that I have wasted my life instead i think that I have all the time in the world and so many moments to enjoy ahead of me.
I can't wait to meet my little girl and have so much fun with her. I can't wait to read her bedtime stories and paint and run in the park and clean up the mess of her lunch. somehow this tiny little person inside me has turned my world around and .... Wow,it's a wonderful world.

E

really buldging now

AS my belly is getting bigger so is my apetite- I don't even bother to weigh myself anymore. I know I've probably hit my own 150lb limit and it doesn't seem like I will stop gaining weight. But I have also accepted it and am just happy and trying to provide the best nutrition possible for my little Madison.
She is kicking and twirling more than ever and it's so much fun when you can see my belly move. I can't wait to see a foot or a hand on my belly.
I feel great and enjoy my cardio exercises and doing yoga so I've decided thatI won't let a few extra pounds bother me.
I am getting used to wear bras now that I'm in competition with Pamela Anderson in my bust measurements. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world but I'd rather be uncomfortable than have boobs hanging down to my waist.
I would definitily recommend taking fish oil or other DHA vitamin to all knocked up women. I blame that supplement for making me feel so great and for my mood beeing so good all the time and obviously it makes the kid smarter. So especially if I like me you don't likeeating fish drink up the wonderful fish oil- mine has a strawberry taste, so I feel like I am taking candy.
Officially in the sixth month now I feel like I have passed the worst. Even delivery doesn't bother me any more. I feel plenty positive that everything will be OK. I still need to take a child birthing class but even without it I feel confient that my body will know what to do.

E

Psychoanalysis??

I get to see a psychologist today. Or a psychiatrist- never really figured out who is who but it doesn't really matter any way.
My mood swings have hit an all time high and I think I need some help to handle all the up and down and in between.
The Dr sounded very nice so I am actually looking forward to it.
Baby shower preparations are going great I just mailed out all the invitations and am looking forward to it.
Meanwhile little Madison Lorelai is kicking and kicking- I understand you're bored, honey, but have some pity on your mommy's tummy- it's enough that it's sticking two feet infront of me. I enjoy looking at my tummy and waiting for her to kick because it makes funy movements- no freaky legs or arms yet, but I feel like that's her way of talking to me. She kicks and I poke her and we are playing already.
I really can't wait to meet her. I am sure it will be awesome. I already have ahole list of things I want her to try- swimming, dancing, tennis, playing the piano, drawing and I wonder what she would like best.
There she is kicking again- I guess she knows i am talking about her.
sometimes I wonder what it would feel like if she can hear my toughts and I ca hear hers- that would be so cool.
I have been really wacky dreams- wackier than the first trimester's. It's very entertaining. and contrary to everything I read I have no problem sleeping. May be I am not big enough yet. Although if you ask me 20 lb should be enough weight for me to loose sleep over. Everyone says I'll loose it really fast but I am afraid that I would have a sack of potatoes for a stomach for the rest of my life.
It's funny really because every time I look down I get surprised that my stomach is sticking out. I don't feel it beeing so big. then of course i do feel it every time I try to bend and relaize I can't do it any more.
Well, gotta go. I am seeing my thrapist- I just always wanted to say that.

E