Still doing pretty good except that it's getting hard to get around. Waddling is not one my favorite exercises and it takes forver to get anywhere. The ligaments in my hips hurt and my pubic bone is in pain, i am guessing because she is pressing on it.
Other than that I have no major complaints. I seriously think sometimes that she grabs my bladder and squeezes it like grapefruit just so can make me go to the bathroom 2 minutes after I have peed.
I had a weird dream last night, where although the baby was not born yet I knew it was a boy. When I woke up I had this feeling that it is a boy and now I keep calling him in my head. As strange as it seems I felt disappointed that it wasn't a girl. That and what I am going to do with all the pink clothes I have.
I have been sleeping well and having dreams about the pregnancy and labor. They are not scary just bizzare but usually make me feel very calm and secure about labor.I think my body knows that I am in my final weeks and nearing labor and my mind is entering the final stages of getting ready as well. It's quite an extraordinary experience. I feel like my mind and my body are communicating in my dreams and each one is telling the other- everything is going to be OK. I have no real idea of what labor would be like but I am not scared. I see it as a challenge that I will have to go through and that it will feel great after I am done.
For me it's like another step i need to take on the journey of finding myself and becoming the most that i can be.
Jeff and I took Peter and Margaret's kids to the Bee movie this weekend and it was quite a learning experience of what to expect. Jeff looked so cute with Eowen. I think he should have a girl first, that's another reason that I would be disappointed if we are surprised with a boy. I know we both said we wanted a boy first but I got so used to the thought of having a girl that now it seems weird that it could be a boy.
I am officially in the 9th month and really ready to go. I have 3 more weeks of school but after that that baby better comes out. I can't wait to be able to cut my toenails without getting into yoga positions. And I am eager to meet theat baby.
It has been a long journey so far and there is still the final stretch which is not going to be a piece of cake. But it's been quite amazing. The changes in my body aren't even half of what i am talking about. The way I have come to perceive the world and myself has changed tremendously and it's very fascinating.
I have come to realize many of my issues are because of my parents and the unhappy childhood I've had. and surprisingly the moment you relaize why have a problem -half the problem is gone. It's like someone lifted up a dusty curtain and a whole new world of possibilities is revelaed.
E
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Can't wait
soon now I will get to meet my little baby and I can't wait.
All the fears and the anxiety and the worries are left behind in the past and I just want to hold her in my arms.
It's funny how your body and your mind have to go trhough all these stages before you are ready to bring another being in the world.
I have been through a lot of talking ( emailing) with my mother working out my own issues and making sure I don't make the same mistakes. My mother is still in denial and has a big bag of excuses for everything- there were no books, no psychology, other paople made her do what she didn't want to. She doesn't want to take the responsibility, just the credit for what I have become. she said she is proud of me and that she is happy she gave me the chance to become what i have become. She didn't give me a chance- she gave me no choice. And looking back now- I know how much I miss the things I didn't have- communication, discipline, someone to care what the fuck am I doing, someone to talk to me. All this have brought me tremendous understanding of a lot of my issues and given me the chance to become the person that I have always known was inside me.
I feel bad for my husband however, because he has to put up with me and as much as he is my husband and I love him to pieces, he has also been a parent on many occasions, teaching me things that my parents never taught me. I don't think he knows how much I appreciate that ( mostly because I bitch most of the time that he treats me like a child)
But this has convinced me that Madison will have one hell of a dad and she won't miss anything and she will be loved and given everything that one child needs- from love and understanding to discipline and structure in her life. My hope is that I can grow up with her and experience all those things with her and Jeff.
E
All the fears and the anxiety and the worries are left behind in the past and I just want to hold her in my arms.
It's funny how your body and your mind have to go trhough all these stages before you are ready to bring another being in the world.
I have been through a lot of talking ( emailing) with my mother working out my own issues and making sure I don't make the same mistakes. My mother is still in denial and has a big bag of excuses for everything- there were no books, no psychology, other paople made her do what she didn't want to. She doesn't want to take the responsibility, just the credit for what I have become. she said she is proud of me and that she is happy she gave me the chance to become what i have become. She didn't give me a chance- she gave me no choice. And looking back now- I know how much I miss the things I didn't have- communication, discipline, someone to care what the fuck am I doing, someone to talk to me. All this have brought me tremendous understanding of a lot of my issues and given me the chance to become the person that I have always known was inside me.
I feel bad for my husband however, because he has to put up with me and as much as he is my husband and I love him to pieces, he has also been a parent on many occasions, teaching me things that my parents never taught me. I don't think he knows how much I appreciate that ( mostly because I bitch most of the time that he treats me like a child)
But this has convinced me that Madison will have one hell of a dad and she won't miss anything and she will be loved and given everything that one child needs- from love and understanding to discipline and structure in her life. My hope is that I can grow up with her and experience all those things with her and Jeff.
E
Monday, November 12, 2007
Not so bad
The childbirth class turned out to be quite a pleasure- except for the uncomfortable chairs we had to sit on for 4 hours.
Other than that - the nurse was very nice and I did learn a whole bunch of things. My husband on the other side learned more things but i think that some of them he really didn't want to know. After watching the vidoe of actual childbirth I was a bit doubtful that we are ever going to have sex again (still not so sure). And now I know that he is definitely staying next to my head through birth.
I am still convinced that for some of the questions I had the nurse just said what I wanted to hear rather than the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It's OK- that's her job but I think it's better to say things as they are. When I asked her if they let you eat or is nothing by mouth after you are admitted- she said " we don't feed you" - which doesn't really answer my question. But when I cornered her later I figured they don't let you eat which doesn't make sense. The argument is that if you have to have a C-section there is a very small chance that you may have to go under general anastesia. Ususally you are just given an epidural or a local anastesia. If you have eaten or drunk anything in the past 8 hours there is a possibility that you may vomit and choke while under general anastesia. However if you need an emergency c-section and you have had a full meal 20 minutes earlier there is no problem, even if you have to be under general anastesia. I don't see the logic here, but hey that's just me.
I am not sure I really like my doctor any more( I don't actually get to see him much anyhow) I get examined by a resident and I have to ask her every single thing because she doesn't tell me. And I don't think they are very thourough. They are not going to do the Strep B test until I am 36 weeks and I just think that they should do that because I can go into labor and not know whether I have it or not and they will give me antibiotics regardless of whether I have it or not. They also haven't mentioned the RH test- I don't think it's necessary because both Jeff and I are positive but they don't know that and they should make sure that everythign is ok. Now that I think about it- I am pretty sure my dad is negative so there is a small chance she can be negative. But they should check and make sure.I think I am going to call them and make sure they check.
let me refrase that- I don't think that I like my intern.
E
Other than that - the nurse was very nice and I did learn a whole bunch of things. My husband on the other side learned more things but i think that some of them he really didn't want to know. After watching the vidoe of actual childbirth I was a bit doubtful that we are ever going to have sex again (still not so sure). And now I know that he is definitely staying next to my head through birth.
I am still convinced that for some of the questions I had the nurse just said what I wanted to hear rather than the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It's OK- that's her job but I think it's better to say things as they are. When I asked her if they let you eat or is nothing by mouth after you are admitted- she said " we don't feed you" - which doesn't really answer my question. But when I cornered her later I figured they don't let you eat which doesn't make sense. The argument is that if you have to have a C-section there is a very small chance that you may have to go under general anastesia. Ususally you are just given an epidural or a local anastesia. If you have eaten or drunk anything in the past 8 hours there is a possibility that you may vomit and choke while under general anastesia. However if you need an emergency c-section and you have had a full meal 20 minutes earlier there is no problem, even if you have to be under general anastesia. I don't see the logic here, but hey that's just me.
I am not sure I really like my doctor any more( I don't actually get to see him much anyhow) I get examined by a resident and I have to ask her every single thing because she doesn't tell me. And I don't think they are very thourough. They are not going to do the Strep B test until I am 36 weeks and I just think that they should do that because I can go into labor and not know whether I have it or not and they will give me antibiotics regardless of whether I have it or not. They also haven't mentioned the RH test- I don't think it's necessary because both Jeff and I are positive but they don't know that and they should make sure that everythign is ok. Now that I think about it- I am pretty sure my dad is negative so there is a small chance she can be negative. But they should check and make sure.I think I am going to call them and make sure they check.
let me refrase that- I don't think that I like my intern.
E
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
not feeling too good
So i am sick and tired and feel like crap. I think I just have a cold but will see the doctor to make sure it's nothing too serious. It's not like they an do much for me anyway- they can't give me too many pills. Most likely will send me home to drink liquids and lie on my left side.
Meanwhile I am getting excited as there are less than two months before I meet my little girl. What scares me most is that I feel so calm about labor. I feel a bit too good about it and I'm sure I'm in for a big surpise- but will deal with that when it comes.
May be the birthing class this weekend will scare me a bit.
We have to go toa wedding this Saturday and I am all set with the dress, but as I found out yesterday most of my shoes don't fit me. So much for my" I am not swollen at all" well at least a little bit. Yes so that is the news- the good thing about staying in bed is that I am catching up on reading for school. I can't wait for that to be over.
e
Meanwhile I am getting excited as there are less than two months before I meet my little girl. What scares me most is that I feel so calm about labor. I feel a bit too good about it and I'm sure I'm in for a big surpise- but will deal with that when it comes.
May be the birthing class this weekend will scare me a bit.
We have to go toa wedding this Saturday and I am all set with the dress, but as I found out yesterday most of my shoes don't fit me. So much for my" I am not swollen at all" well at least a little bit. Yes so that is the news- the good thing about staying in bed is that I am catching up on reading for school. I can't wait for that to be over.
e
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