Yep, good bye Max. Hello Madison Lorelai.
It took me a good day to recover from the news that I am not having a boy but hey I got over it. I am happy- a little diappointed but I am happy. I wouldn't make my child feel unwanted just because of the sex. It's a bundle of joy either way
On the bright side everything is good and the baby is healthy, I have a great picure of her foot and she is kicking more than ever.
A lot of people seem to be extemely happy that it's a girl. Her daddy is happy and already calling her Maddi. And I have decided that i will keep on popping kids out until I get my Max- this is just the beginning, thak god I have at least another 15 good childbearing years.
I went to register yesterday and all the pink is scaring me so I am getting everything in green and yellow and purple. Good part of having a girl is that I don't really need to buy clothes b/c I'll have clothes handed down enough for 3 babies.
E
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
The mood rollercoaster
The greateest week of my life isover and now I am back into the slumps of feeling not so great. I wish it could have lasted longer but like every good thing my good mood came to an end.
Now it makes sense to me why my doctor asked if I get depressed when I told him I get really bad headaches. As soon as I start feeling blue my head starts splitting in two and I get hot and cold flashes- it feels like way too ealry menopause but at least I'll know what to expect when I am 50.
I am seeing the doctor tomorrow so hopefully he'll have some kind of solution up his sleeve, and on tuesday I should finally have the answer on the never ceasing question of whether it's a boy or a girl.
Baby shower is set for the 21 of October- a little earlier than planned but hey whatever makes everyone happy. I have decided that I want to make my own invitations and am currently fighting with all the creative program's in my computer to figurre out how do make something decent. I think that should be something fun to do, some kind of excitement in the midst of School and writing papers about the Jewish sufferings for the past 3000 years.
Now that we had a week of cool rainy weather I can't wait for the fall so I don't have to sweat out of my ass every time I go outside.
Still a little worried that I am gaining more weight than I should but I try to go to the gym and I 'm sorry that I won't be able to go to Lori's prenatal yoga any more b/c my membership at YMCA expires on Labor day- now I'll have to find a different prenatal yoga or try to motivate myself to do it at home.
Really looking forward to moving and to going to San Fran- that's the excitement I have between regularly taking fish oil and carefully stepping on the scale, holding my breath, and trying not to look at the numbers zooming in front of my eyes.
E
Now it makes sense to me why my doctor asked if I get depressed when I told him I get really bad headaches. As soon as I start feeling blue my head starts splitting in two and I get hot and cold flashes- it feels like way too ealry menopause but at least I'll know what to expect when I am 50.
I am seeing the doctor tomorrow so hopefully he'll have some kind of solution up his sleeve, and on tuesday I should finally have the answer on the never ceasing question of whether it's a boy or a girl.
Baby shower is set for the 21 of October- a little earlier than planned but hey whatever makes everyone happy. I have decided that I want to make my own invitations and am currently fighting with all the creative program's in my computer to figurre out how do make something decent. I think that should be something fun to do, some kind of excitement in the midst of School and writing papers about the Jewish sufferings for the past 3000 years.
Now that we had a week of cool rainy weather I can't wait for the fall so I don't have to sweat out of my ass every time I go outside.
Still a little worried that I am gaining more weight than I should but I try to go to the gym and I 'm sorry that I won't be able to go to Lori's prenatal yoga any more b/c my membership at YMCA expires on Labor day- now I'll have to find a different prenatal yoga or try to motivate myself to do it at home.
Really looking forward to moving and to going to San Fran- that's the excitement I have between regularly taking fish oil and carefully stepping on the scale, holding my breath, and trying not to look at the numbers zooming in front of my eyes.
E
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Kicking like he wants to get out!
After almost 9 long, very long years I finally got a stamp on my passport stating, with many $2 words that I can leave the country and come back here with no problem. I have wanted and waited for this for so long it doesn't even seemed important any more- it just seemed like something that was supposed to happen long time ago but was delayed indefinitely.
It makes me feel 20 lb lighter ( i wish it was true) to know that I can actually get on a plane and go to aplce that doesn't belong to the US. So many places I want to go, so many places I want to see I don't know where to start. One little bump on my way however is growing bigger and bigger in my uterus. I think he is excited for his mommy because he has been kicking like crazy this week. It is a really wonderful experience- I finally am convinced that there is someone growing inside my tummy and that we will get along really great.
It has been a really great week and I feel great- I don't think that i have ever had so much evnergy and been in such a good mood for so long. I am enjoyiing while it last. My anxiety about the last months and labor is not easing up and I don't think it ever will. My friend Karen who is expecting any minute now up in boston is feeling terrible and got a scare b/c she tought her water broke. All these stories don't make me feel any better. I tried to watch some movies about birth to educate myself thinking that that would make me more educated and calm me down. But the only outcome of watching other women give birth is me being grateful that I don't have to see what midwives and OBs see. It made me wonder why people decide to make this their carrer b/c it is disgusting.
So I figure out that there is no way around labor and now I am onl praying that it won't last too long.
E
It makes me feel 20 lb lighter ( i wish it was true) to know that I can actually get on a plane and go to aplce that doesn't belong to the US. So many places I want to go, so many places I want to see I don't know where to start. One little bump on my way however is growing bigger and bigger in my uterus. I think he is excited for his mommy because he has been kicking like crazy this week. It is a really wonderful experience- I finally am convinced that there is someone growing inside my tummy and that we will get along really great.
It has been a really great week and I feel great- I don't think that i have ever had so much evnergy and been in such a good mood for so long. I am enjoyiing while it last. My anxiety about the last months and labor is not easing up and I don't think it ever will. My friend Karen who is expecting any minute now up in boston is feeling terrible and got a scare b/c she tought her water broke. All these stories don't make me feel any better. I tried to watch some movies about birth to educate myself thinking that that would make me more educated and calm me down. But the only outcome of watching other women give birth is me being grateful that I don't have to see what midwives and OBs see. It made me wonder why people decide to make this their carrer b/c it is disgusting.
So I figure out that there is no way around labor and now I am onl praying that it won't last too long.
E
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
when you actually know that you are showing
Yesterday I was offered a seat on the train. That's how i knew that now you can tell I am pregnant.
Of course it was an elderly lady who obviously had varicose veins so i remained standing. What bugs me though is that none of twenty or more guys sitting comfrtably, noticed my buldging belly. When I finally saw a seat free up because a 6 ft tall guy in his teenage years had to get off, and aimed for it, the guy sitting on the next seat moved over so I had to sit down on a seat that was partially wet.
So where have all the gentlemen gone?
Not to mention that there are seats designated for the disabled, but none for pregnant women. Walking on the street I see a lot more pregnant women than disabled people.
On a different note, my doctor, whom i haven't met yet, seems very nice. He called me personally as he had promised about the sonogram that insurance won't pay for. I of course was too busy going to the supermarket twice, because I went shopping with my banking card rather than my credit card- one of those dimentia moments caused by pregnancy. I was staring at the bank card for twenty minutes and couldn't figure out why it is declined, until I fianlly realized I had to go home and get the real card.
It was all worth- my first ever homemade tuna salad turned out great ( a little too much mayo and not enough pickles but very tasty). I have had, I wouldn't call it a craving, but a desire to eat tuna salad and decided to make it. I know it's not very good for pregnancy because of mercury levels, but i figured once every five moths would be ok.
My Green card interview is today so wish me luck!
E
Of course it was an elderly lady who obviously had varicose veins so i remained standing. What bugs me though is that none of twenty or more guys sitting comfrtably, noticed my buldging belly. When I finally saw a seat free up because a 6 ft tall guy in his teenage years had to get off, and aimed for it, the guy sitting on the next seat moved over so I had to sit down on a seat that was partially wet.
So where have all the gentlemen gone?
Not to mention that there are seats designated for the disabled, but none for pregnant women. Walking on the street I see a lot more pregnant women than disabled people.
On a different note, my doctor, whom i haven't met yet, seems very nice. He called me personally as he had promised about the sonogram that insurance won't pay for. I of course was too busy going to the supermarket twice, because I went shopping with my banking card rather than my credit card- one of those dimentia moments caused by pregnancy. I was staring at the bank card for twenty minutes and couldn't figure out why it is declined, until I fianlly realized I had to go home and get the real card.
It was all worth- my first ever homemade tuna salad turned out great ( a little too much mayo and not enough pickles but very tasty). I have had, I wouldn't call it a craving, but a desire to eat tuna salad and decided to make it. I know it's not very good for pregnancy because of mercury levels, but i figured once every five moths would be ok.
My Green card interview is today so wish me luck!
E
Sunday, August 12, 2007
smiley faces
Reading back the posts I think i sound way too negative and one might get the impression that I hate being pregnant and that I would hate my baby. This is very very untrue, I am trilled to have a baby, not so trilled with the pregnancy but I am happy. I think this would be an experience that would make me more mature and teach me patience and give me other qualities that I lack.
Most of all I am happy to have a child with such an awesome person as my husband. I know he will be great and we'll have so much fun raising our kid.
I tend to express my feelings better when I am upset or depressed and that is probably why this blog such a negative overtone, but that is not the general mod of my pregnancy.
Even when I am very depressed or down or upset at something I see a baby in a stroller on the street and I smile to myself because I know that I will soon have one of those little soft squashy bodies to hug and kiss and I can't wait.
What I fear most is that something may be wrong with the baby and I don't want to bring into the world a person who won't be able to enjoy life to the fulest. But I guess every mother has those fears.
I worry sometimes execessvely - Jeff hit me with a tennis ball in the ribs yesterday while he was teaching me to play net and I worry that something is wrong with the baby. I know he should be fine- the ball hit me too high and I don't think it even affested the baby but I would like to have it checked. This might be a good reason for the insurance to pay for my next sonogram b/c they are refusing to pay for it since i am under 35 and there is nothing wrong with me. That is supposed to be "big" sonogram wher i find out the sex, but I am not paying $500 for that privilege.
E
Most of all I am happy to have a child with such an awesome person as my husband. I know he will be great and we'll have so much fun raising our kid.
I tend to express my feelings better when I am upset or depressed and that is probably why this blog such a negative overtone, but that is not the general mod of my pregnancy.
Even when I am very depressed or down or upset at something I see a baby in a stroller on the street and I smile to myself because I know that I will soon have one of those little soft squashy bodies to hug and kiss and I can't wait.
What I fear most is that something may be wrong with the baby and I don't want to bring into the world a person who won't be able to enjoy life to the fulest. But I guess every mother has those fears.
I worry sometimes execessvely - Jeff hit me with a tennis ball in the ribs yesterday while he was teaching me to play net and I worry that something is wrong with the baby. I know he should be fine- the ball hit me too high and I don't think it even affested the baby but I would like to have it checked. This might be a good reason for the insurance to pay for my next sonogram b/c they are refusing to pay for it since i am under 35 and there is nothing wrong with me. That is supposed to be "big" sonogram wher i find out the sex, but I am not paying $500 for that privilege.
E
Friday, August 3, 2007
under home arrest
I feel like like I have been exiled in my own house.
I don't really go out unless it's for a doctor's appointment and when I do I feel like crap. My body doesn't seem to be able to handle the heat and the humidity very well. I get horrific headaches that made me feel like I can't function.
So I stay home and the more I stay home the less things I want to do. I spend most of the day yesterday lying in bed watching TV show re-runs and sleeping. All that is not making me feel good. I exercise and eat good but I am afraid I will get really depressed unless I find something to really entertain me while I am under home arrest.
I have a ton of things I can do and I should do but just don't seem to get around to doing them because I feel useless.
And the fact that I don't make any money bothers me- I feel guilty every time I spend money, even if it is just to buy food- I wish there was soemthing I could do from home and make money.
I 've decided I want to write children books but I can't seem to get around to do that either because I just feel so lousy.
May be I am already depressed.
I am so tired of the same old routine every day- get up, take a shower, have breakfast and wonder around the house for the rest of the day. It's just terrible- I need some change.
And the change is not going to just fall from the sky- i Will have to make the change but I don't know where to start.
I would like to cook more but it's kind of hard to cook up something just for yourself and Jeff is often not home for dinner.
I can feel the headache creeping up on me again.... aaggghhhhh......
I don't really go out unless it's for a doctor's appointment and when I do I feel like crap. My body doesn't seem to be able to handle the heat and the humidity very well. I get horrific headaches that made me feel like I can't function.
So I stay home and the more I stay home the less things I want to do. I spend most of the day yesterday lying in bed watching TV show re-runs and sleeping. All that is not making me feel good. I exercise and eat good but I am afraid I will get really depressed unless I find something to really entertain me while I am under home arrest.
I have a ton of things I can do and I should do but just don't seem to get around to doing them because I feel useless.
And the fact that I don't make any money bothers me- I feel guilty every time I spend money, even if it is just to buy food- I wish there was soemthing I could do from home and make money.
I 've decided I want to write children books but I can't seem to get around to do that either because I just feel so lousy.
May be I am already depressed.
I am so tired of the same old routine every day- get up, take a shower, have breakfast and wonder around the house for the rest of the day. It's just terrible- I need some change.
And the change is not going to just fall from the sky- i Will have to make the change but I don't know where to start.
I would like to cook more but it's kind of hard to cook up something just for yourself and Jeff is often not home for dinner.
I can feel the headache creeping up on me again.... aaggghhhhh......
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
My husband drilled a whole in the gas tank
Now, not many women can say that about their husbands. And if they could they would be mad because they are stuck in Long Island with no clear way of coming back home, no car and a whole pile of groceries and laundry.
I wasn't mad, I wasn't even tiny bit angry because I know my husband always has something up his sleeve and never considers himself stuck into something- there is always a way out for him.
That is one of the many reasons why i love my husband so much - nothing is too much hassle for Jeff.
That's why I am sure he would be such a wonderful dad- I know it wouldn't be too much trouble to travel with the kid, go away on vacation.
He might decide to squeeze the kid's belly right after lunch or let him play with a kitchen knife but hey- no one is perfect.
In the meantime I just watch myself expand by the minute- my belly is stretching and stretching and I feel like it can't go any more but then the next morning it is a little bit bigger. I know I can feel the baby moving even though it is very subtle.
Jeff claimed he felt his heartbeat the other night, which made me laugh because I am not sure if that is possible- and if its I would like to feel it too.
I am very excited today. some days are more scary than others, when you realize that you have no idea how to do certain stuff- like breastfeeding or pumping- I was staring at the breaspump my sister in law is giving me this weekend and I could not figure it out for the life of me. Baby clothes?- I am sure my child will be taken out for a stroll in his pijamas and I won't even realize it.
I have an appointment with my new doctor on monday and I wonder if they would be able to tell me whether it's a boy or a girl....
E
I wasn't mad, I wasn't even tiny bit angry because I know my husband always has something up his sleeve and never considers himself stuck into something- there is always a way out for him.
That is one of the many reasons why i love my husband so much - nothing is too much hassle for Jeff.
That's why I am sure he would be such a wonderful dad- I know it wouldn't be too much trouble to travel with the kid, go away on vacation.
He might decide to squeeze the kid's belly right after lunch or let him play with a kitchen knife but hey- no one is perfect.
In the meantime I just watch myself expand by the minute- my belly is stretching and stretching and I feel like it can't go any more but then the next morning it is a little bit bigger. I know I can feel the baby moving even though it is very subtle.
Jeff claimed he felt his heartbeat the other night, which made me laugh because I am not sure if that is possible- and if its I would like to feel it too.
I am very excited today. some days are more scary than others, when you realize that you have no idea how to do certain stuff- like breastfeeding or pumping- I was staring at the breaspump my sister in law is giving me this weekend and I could not figure it out for the life of me. Baby clothes?- I am sure my child will be taken out for a stroll in his pijamas and I won't even realize it.
I have an appointment with my new doctor on monday and I wonder if they would be able to tell me whether it's a boy or a girl....
E
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