It's been a hard week. both on Madison and on me.

We are starting school today. I am both excited and sad. I know she would love it but I will miss those 3 hours she won't be with me.

She will have her own friends and her own little life.

We already started her OT/PT gym and she is enjoying it because there are so many new things to explore. I was planning to be there with her but she obviously doesn't need me so I just drop her off.

She is tired and she will be even more tired but she will settle.... hopefully.

She is growing up so fast..... and at the same time she is still my little girl.....(tear!)

Max..... oh Max...he won't take a bottle. Won't even go near the formula. He will take my milk from a bottle after a fight and many tears.

The night before I let him cry because I am exhausted from getting up two times night. He cried for about an hour. finally I went in and flipped him on his tummy. He was asleep in five minutes and slept until 8 am.

Last night he didn't make a sound until 6am. Fair enough since he went to bed at 7:30.

Let's hope we are done with midnight awakenings. We are certainly done with midnight feedings. It's unbelievable to me how he can sleep so long at such an early age because Madison was up all hours of the night until after one. I went in around 5:30 to check on him. He was snoring happily with his butt up in the air.

Aside from the bottle he loves food. He has tried bananas, avocados, mangos and last night sweet potatoes. He doesn't waste an ounce and looks for more.

All the stress and hard work is finally slimming me down. Down to 140 finally. Those five pounds have been the hardest to loose.

Somehow I suspect it has something to do with the antibiotics they gave me during labor. Minutes after arriving in postpartum I saw my belly swell up and it has been bloated for about 4 months. Finally I went to a doctor and started taking probiotics. After the expensive brand that sort of helped, I tired the generic brand form Whole Foods.. Lo and behold my belly went down and I started loosing weight.

It's amazing how many dangerous things they do to women in labor and keep us ignorant about!

E

"I'm on a horsey"

We took Madi to fly on the Trapeze again!

This time we got some great shots but again not with our camera. so it might take a while before I post them.

She has gotten very used to it now and enjoys tremendously. She went five times. As much as me and my triceps are sore, I don't know about hers.

She very diligently comes up to the ladder and says " my turn"

While I was up there helping our friends fly I heard her yelling: " Daddy, I am on a horsey!"

I didn't pay attention and obviously neither did my husband.

I finally looked after she yelled " Daddy, I am on a horsey!" a couple of more times....

Who do you think was the horsey?

Poor Max, whol loves being on his tummy had rolled over and Madison had straddled him yelling on top of her lungs " Daddy, I am on a horsey!". The poor kid wasn't even complaining, he loves his sister so much. Thank god he is a big guy.

Obviously I yelled at Jeff to get her off her brother but I couldn't help but laugh.

It's moments like this that I know I did the right thing having a second kid and having it soon, although most of the time I think I was mad to want two kids.

E

Special children

Madison is starting school next week....

I am not sure what that means. I am excited and scared at the same time.

I know she will have a good time but I also feel like I will be missing on what is going on in her life.

May be I am one of those helicopter moms that want to hover around their kids until they are 40. I guess I have to let go at some point.

She has been labeled a special needs child.

I don't know what that needs either. She is getting so many services I need two extra days in the week just to schedule all her therapies.

She has improved greatly since we started with EI (early intervention). It has been quite an experience learning to navigate the world of government sponsored services. it has helped her tremendously. Her language is coming along now. she is probably at the level of a 2 year old now. She is still not running or jumping.

I wonder how much the delays have to do with her meds. We have been lowering the Topomax and every time her language abilities make a leap.

I am hopeful we can take her off of it soon.

Anyway, special needs. It sounds depressing but I found out that it is exactly what it is. My child is special. Every child is special and every child learns differently. It's just a label that has become associated with kids who are heavily hindered in their learning.

I think school will be good for her.

E

Missed opportunities

Every time I read the old posts I wonder I don't write more often.

I wish I had an account of all the things that went by unannounced, unnoticed.

So many memories, so many times I wanted to write and by the time I got to the computer they had vanished from my head.

Where have the last 3 years gone.

I was reading the post from when Madi was born.

Seems like one day we were coming back from the hospital, freaking out about giving her a bath, the next day she was having seizures and we couldn't sweat the little things any more.

Next thing I know she was heavily medicated and I was pregnant again.

Fast forward 9 terrible months and here comes Max.

I cried the first two nights because I didn't want him. I was petrified and wanted things to be back to normal.

Fast forward 5 month ( I am still not sure about the adjective I would use for this time stretch) Max is sitting up and trying out solids; his sister and he adore each other and have so much fun together and here I am thinking about all the missed opportunities to document all the things happening in my life.

It feels like 3 years have passed me by and I have nothing to account for that time, except two beautiful kids. Sometimes I wonder if that is enough.

I have changed. I can't even begin to contemplate how much I have changed.

It's hard to be the only adult in the household but at the same time I enjoy being a kid more than ever.

Sometimes I wonder if there is even a little bit of me left in me.

I just remembered that two days ago, while in Reno, NV I had to jump in the hot tub with my clothes because Madison was having trouble keeping her head over the bubbles. It always amazes me how in moments like these you don't think about it you just jump in to get your child. The owe spent an hour and a half blow drying my jeans and sneakers.

E