Small victories

I made it through the night outnumbered two to one.

It was scary and I was nervous but somehow I bathed Madison and fed them both and put them both to sleep all before 9pm

And we made it through the night without any disasters.

It's the small stuff like that makes me feel that i can do it and that it will get better.

It's small victories that make my day- like going to the bathroom for the first time after my episiotomy, or being able to go to sleep without a painkiller, or finally being able to breastfeed him going out with two kids and bringing them back with no one screaming...

If it wasn't for the small victories I wouldn't make it through most of the days.

E

what makes my baby happy?

After he screamed bloody hell the whole weekend I remembered what made Madison happy in those early weeks....

A very powerful hairdryer next to her.

And guess what - Max likes that too.

He went from a little screaming monster to the happiest baby on the block in 6 seconds.

I have to admit I never thought i would get such a good use of my "Yellow bird" when I bought it 3 years ago.

The problem is that if something happens to that precious item my hair will go back to being frizzy and curly. I am not sure I can handle that....

Max didn't need to be fed until 1:30 am- that's a pretty good 5 hour stretch.

And I think he was screaming and spitting up all weekend b/c every time he cried we fed him more, wondering where he's putting all that food. Someone stuffs you with all that food you'll be uncomfortable too.

I remember my doula used to come and wrap Madison in her little blanket shove a pacifier down her throat, "sshhhhhh" really loudly in her ear and little miss Madison was out like a light. She'd put her in her swing and march me to bed as well. She probably saved me from insanity.

I guess someone might be worried that their baby will get used to all these crutches to go to sleep- but Madison never took a pacifier after she turned 3 months.

I guess the lesson here is - whatever works.

Sometimes we need to think outside the box. this morning as soon as Max started to stir- I turned on the little noise machine that makes spring rain sound and he is still sleeping. He just started crying again and I shoved the paci down his mouth.

I guess there is a secret to have two kids under 3 sleeping at 8:09 on Monday morning.

E

we made it through the first week!!

It's been a long one and full of drama.

I have been wanting to post but didn't have time.

So I'll compile a few posts into one

The war of the raging hormones

I don't think I have ever been so emotional as in the first few days after Max was born.

I am pretty sure I was having anxiety attacks every 5 minutes. I was hyperventilating over the visitors coming overf and crying hysterically over dirty bottles. I spend the second night home crying that I didn't want him and that I was crazy to have another kid. I was even thinking I could give him up for adoption.

I missed my Madison like crazy and just wanted to hug her and spend time with her but couldn't. I wanted everything to go back to before he was pregnant, where I could snuggle with her and wake up and play with her, share my meals and go to the park. Yes, all the things I hated in the last few weeks of pregnancy. Thank God that is over and Yes, I am keeping my baby boy. The pharmacy giving me Oxycodone instead of Percocet might have helped a bit as well. I am afraid I might get addicted. It kills the pain in my behind and it's fine with breast feeding the baby but it slows things down enough to make me feel sane again.

I am also terribly in love with my husband again. But i am not sure if that has to do with the hormones or the fact that he has been fantastic in this first week and that I couldn't have made it without him.

Nursing again!

That has been quite a trip as well. Little Max, who is not so little actually- he not only gained his birth weight back but put on a few extra pounds by Monday, has been quite fussy. He doesn't the breast, cries hysterically and only takes bottles for the first few days. But as soon as I started to accumulate dozens of bottles of breastmilk in my fridge again I decided to try breastfeeding him again and he's totally fine. He still has his moments where he would scream for the bottle but is nursing just fine.

Judaism 101

I was warned not to go to my son's bris- circumcision. But surprisingly I wasn't even nervous. Somehow I managed to get myself and 2 kids ready to leave by 10:30 yesterday, while my husband was still walking in his underwear.

It is actually a quite beautiful ceremony. Of course I was looking at the Cantor's back and not at what he was doing. But as far as pain Max screamed more when I was trying to give him my breast the day we came home. And then he got a gauze pad dipped in wine to suck on and everything was fine. The Cantor gave me the cup with wine and offered that I finish it. I thought he was great- funny and efficient. Walked us through everything and although cleaning him now is a pain in the ass- this too shall pass.

Of course I don't remember half the things I wanted to write now but that is what I have time to get in before the next diaper change.

So long

E

mother of 2

I am the proud owner of two kids now and since the rest of my household is asleep I must be out of my mind to be doing this but here it is.

Max was born on April 7th at 6:05 pm. This one was much faster but I think they do tie for drama.

I went to the hospital at 9:00 am suspecting that my water was leaking. I was pretty sure they would send me back home but instead found myself admitted and hooked up to an IV instead with the promise of Pitocin since there no contractions. Around noon my doctor announced me 1 and long and ordered Cervidel- to thin out the cervix. That's where things started spinning out of control

At 1 pm they placed the Cervidel in.

At 4 pm I was 4 cm and breathing heavy

At 5 pm I was hardly breathing through contractions every 30 sec and I screamed for an Epidural

They refused to check how dialated I was

AT 5:30 I was given an Epidural and felt the urge to push

Now they decided to check me and tell me I was 10 cm

There was no urge to push any more, there was really nothing below my waist

Poor Max got distressed from all the drama so to speed up the delivery they tried to suck him out.

To ease things even more they had to cut me - I couldn't care less- I saw the size of the scissors and just thanked God for Epidurals.

Max was born at 6:05.He was doing great.

My blood pressure was 70 over 20 and my legs felt like rubber.

Fast forward two days later ( no need to comment on hospital food and service) I came home to my other baby who was spending quality time with grandma.

She was wearing 3 mos blue pants and thriving on pizza and chinese leftovers. God, I missed her so much.

I am hoping I will survive tonight and may be even get some sleep.

E

Limbo

Here we are april 4th and no signs of any baby coming yet.

Last week I was told that I am not dilated at all. There has been no sign of labor coming what so ever. I feel like I am living in limbo- neither here nor there. I don't think I can't get any more uncomfortable in my own skin, not to mention my own clothes because they don't fit any more. To say I am grumpy is an understatement. I am out of breath just sitting here. My hips hurt from sleeping on my sides, if you could call that sleeping. I don't think I have had a night's sleep in weeks and I am exhausted. I am tired of being constantly tired, bored of being hungry, and sick of being pregnant.

Yet I feel that he is never coming out. I am cursed to be pregnant forever.

I am afraid my due date is going to come and go and nothing is going to happen. And then he'll be so big they will have to cut him out.

I feel guilty because I can't have good time with Madison. I am constantly yelling at her because I a in a bad mood. I can't run with her and play with her the way I used to, everything is so much effort I just can't do it and the poor thing just wants to have fun. She is climbing on me and trying to snuggle with me as I am writing this. The little pup just wants attention and playtime with her mommy and I just keep ignoring her.

And people with their abnoxious comments just drive me up the wall. Do they really think I want to know what they think about my pregnancy and how big I am?

The days are so long because I just don't have the energy to do all the things I want and have to do. The nights are even longer because I am up every hour.

Is this ever going to end?

Well this is one cheerful post for Easter....Happy Easter!

E