along with the little precious moments come the pangs of fear that I am doing something wrong, that I am not a good mother, that maybe i am feeding her too much or not enough, that she's not on a schedule and so many other things that worry me.
Partially because I am sleep deprived, partially because everything is so new at times it seems quite intimidating.
Last night we managed to give her a bath without drowning her which gave me some more confidence. Today i can't seem to get her to nap for more than half an hour and i can't figure out what i am doing wrong.
Certain family members, i am talking grandparents here, seem to have claims that she is theirs and they have the right to see her, take her and do whatever they want whenever they want. No one seems to acknowledge the fact that i carried her for 10 months (it is 10 and all the movies and TV shows that claim it's 9 need to get their facts straight) and I labored with her over an entire weekend. I was the one pushing her little body, that had turned face up and threatened to break my tailbone, for the longest 3 hours of my life. and it was me who had to hand express countless ounces of milk, while my nipples were healing after she chewed them up. So very soon i will let them know that they can't just come and say " of course i am going to come and see my granddaughter" or i "want to take care of her for a week". Back off people. She is mine. and maybe i am overprotective and paranoid but i want to enjoy my baby- she will never be this tiny and helpless again and i want to make sure that she is ok. And i love watching her sleep.
She was just laughing in her sleep and i love that little shiny laugh. It is like a thousand little raindrops dancing in the spring creating the most wonderful sound ever. I want to hear her laughter all the time.
E
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