Peter Pan grounded?

Rumaging through pictures of the past two years I started asking myself whether I am ready to grow up.
Does being a parent mean we can't be kids any more and we can't paly any more?
Certainly not, but the carefree, long summer days are gone and we have responsibility for someone else now.
I feel somehow cheated- no one asked if I was ready to grow up, if I was ready to stop playing and give up my solitary moments. No one asked if my belly was ready to strerch and welcome new life, my breasts to become the size of cantalopes or if I wanted to spend my whole summer taking naps and complaining about pains and aches.
I feel like someone has cut off my wings and grounded me. Peter Pan, who never wanted to grow up all of a sudden can't fly any more and has to figure out how to pump breast milk, change diapers and recognize when the baby is crying because he is in pain or because he is hungry.
Somewhere in the exitement of something new and beyond explanation, of having a little creature that would love me and depend on me I lost my own self.
And now I am not sure whether I am changing because I think that I have to or because with my buldging belly growing out my hormones are telling me to grow up and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
Looking at those pictures and at pictures taken now there is a difference in my face, something I don't have a name for but definitely something that isn't there any more.Does that mean that it isn't in me any more. It scares me .
I think it is gone forever. something I would never get back and something i am not sure I was ready to give up yet, or ever.

E