First of all Congratulations Karen, for your baby boy Oliver who finally decided to come- I think he actually came on his due date but I know you were happy to get him out of you.
Hope everything is well and hope to hear from you soon.
Me, I am doing great, my scale keeps trying to convince me that I weigh 150 lbs but I don't trust it any more.
Little Madison is performing giant acrobatic routines in my womb, I hope you are enjoying yourself as much as I am. The hiccups are not the most pleasant experiece in the world but other than that she makes me laugh.
I feel like I have my own little personal friend growing inside of me. I didn't even feel lonely when Jeff went away for two days, because I had the company of little precious Maddi.
My doctor laughed at me and said they will be betting on when I ask for drugs, all that because I said I would like to try a natural birth with no drugs. I don't kow if I will be able to do it but it is worth a try. I am even contmeplating on whjether I should go to birthing classes- I feel confident that my body will know what to do and I just need to follow my natural instincts. I would like to go so I find out the logistics like when to call the doctor and when to go to the hospital but I am not sure that i want to spend $270 for that- I can just ask the doctor.
Meanwhile I am feelng more and more happy with myself and the world around me- I think Madison is already making me a better person.
Or may be it is my therapist. I am not sure what exactly it is that helps but I feel more at home with my own fears and issues. Talking crtainly helps but also those conversations stimulate my own internal dialogue( the same one i have been trying to quiet for so long) and I ask myself questions that have not poped into my mind yet. Why am I insecure?
Why do I expect criticims every step of the way and can't accept when its constuctively given to me. How exactly does that relate to my relationship with my parents? what relationship do I want to have with my parents?
well, I would like to be able to have a civil relationship with them and i would like to not feel uncomfortable around them but don't know how to go about it.
Why do I always seek other's approval or criticism and care so much of what others think? Is it because I crave attention, or because I want some kind of reaction that i never got from my parents. I think that once i get to the bottom of all this I will be much more comfotable with my life.
I have now stopped rushing throuh everything and enjoy every litlle second of every action. I recognize that I have the time for everything.
I have stopped thinking that I have wasted my life instead i think that I have all the time in the world and so many moments to enjoy ahead of me.
I can't wait to meet my little girl and have so much fun with her. I can't wait to read her bedtime stories and paint and run in the park and clean up the mess of her lunch. somehow this tiny little person inside me has turned my world around and .... Wow,it's a wonderful world.
E
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