Can't wait

soon now I will get to meet my little baby and I can't wait.
All the fears and the anxiety and the worries are left behind in the past and I just want to hold her in my arms.
It's funny how your body and your mind have to go trhough all these stages before you are ready to bring another being in the world.
I have been through a lot of talking ( emailing) with my mother working out my own issues and making sure I don't make the same mistakes. My mother is still in denial and has a big bag of excuses for everything- there were no books, no psychology, other paople made her do what she didn't want to. She doesn't want to take the responsibility, just the credit for what I have become. she said she is proud of me and that she is happy she gave me the chance to become what i have become. She didn't give me a chance- she gave me no choice. And looking back now- I know how much I miss the things I didn't have- communication, discipline, someone to care what the fuck am I doing, someone to talk to me. All this have brought me tremendous understanding of a lot of my issues and given me the chance to become the person that I have always known was inside me.
I feel bad for my husband however, because he has to put up with me and as much as he is my husband and I love him to pieces, he has also been a parent on many occasions, teaching me things that my parents never taught me. I don't think he knows how much I appreciate that ( mostly because I bitch most of the time that he treats me like a child)
But this has convinced me that Madison will have one hell of a dad and she won't miss anything and she will be loved and given everything that one child needs- from love and understanding to discipline and structure in her life. My hope is that I can grow up with her and experience all those things with her and Jeff.

E