Motherhood has now taught me that as well.
I reached the breaking point finally, of trying to push myself too hard to do what I thought was expected of me, of expecting my daughter to be something she is not. She can be and will be no more or less than what she is- a two year old. And two year old are perfect the way they are.
Screaming "no" at her all day long, "don't touch this" and "don't do that" was really getting me down. And then I realized I can't go on like this.
She is a kid and that's how she learns. And did I ever stop doing something just because my mother screamed at me? NO.
So letting go of the notions I held tight to for no other reason but habit finally set me free.
And letting go wasn't any different than just seeing things differently. Perceptions defines the limits of our world and we are the ones that set our perception's limits.
My Lamaze refresher course on Monday made me turn around and see the reality of Madison's birth in a totally new light. For me it was a horrendous experience because it was so far from the expectations I had set for myself. But when my instructor said "good for you" that I didn't end up with a cesarian after 3 and half hours of pushing made me realize that it could have been worse. And just because it wasn't what I expected it to be and wanted it to be doesn't make it bad. It just is not what I wanted but sometimes what we don't want is what we need to get to a place that we want to get to.
So I am now in a very different place- about many things- being pregnant ( although I still can't wait to get it over with), Madison's condition, Max's upcoming birth and my life in general.
I have been so lost in fear and expectations of what will be and can be that I have forgotten to look at what is right now. And in the end that is what matters. What can "be" cannot come before what "is" now.
It's funny how little things like that can change your whole life around.....
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