Motherhood?

So we were watching that movie motherhood last night- I won't really comment on it because I didn't get to see the whole of it since my lovely daughter was still up at 11:00 pm at night and we had to cut it short.

But anyway, I found it... well depressing, for the lack of a better word. Who wants to watch a movie about their daily reality? Well I certainly don't. I watch movies to escape that reality, which seems by the way to be stuck on repeat for one too many days in a raw sometimes.

It did make me think, however, what does motherhood mean to me...

Well let's start with the thought that I never really imagined or wanted to imagine myself as someone's wife and someone's mother. I never even wanted to grow up. And I was doing fine ( that is probably disputable) but we won't go into that right now.

So here I am with all my ambitious dreams and hopes, being selfish and refusing to grow up. To define grow up- i didn't want to have too many responsibilities, have the freedom to do what I wanted and when I wanted to, pack my 2 bags and leave with one hour notice.

Well, I guess getting married and having a kid fit into my definition of adventure. Then once again I didn't think too much that once I have the kid and the husband they will be here to stay, not even talking about the second one, now I am definitely outnumbered.

It turns out it takes a kid to make you grow up. And when I say grow up sometimes I fear I have turned into my mother. Although that is quite hard, I will have to really loose my marbles to be my mother.

And then I find myself in love with this little creature that took reaallly long time to come out and boom.... my whole life is changed. Now It's not me that comes first any more. It's always her. She is more important than anything else and yes it can be tiring, but when I hear her giggle and she plants a very wet kiss on some part of my face, or when I watch her sleep peacefully at night it is all worth it.

Let's face it motherhood is multifaceted. Some days I feel like supermom. Somedays just slip through my fingers faster than the grains of sand and everything is spinning wildly out of control. Somedays I do say to hell with all my chores and just spend the time to be with her- those are the ones I love most. Somedays I really wish I had a 9 to 5 job and I didn't have to spend all day talking to or about a kid. Somedays I am a good mom and somedays I am a bad mom.

But I am a mom everyday nontheless.

So I guess the answer would be motherhood means everything to me. Both the good and the bad, the funny and the sad, the exhilarating and the depressing. It has become a part of who I am, and who I am is an integral part of the kind of mom I am.

There is a lot more to be said on the subject but having to run for a play date is a part of motherhood I can't ignore...

E