Censorship

This blog was started for fun - for me to write my experience during pregnancy and then when Madison was born, so that I can go back and read and laugh and one day she can read it too. It was so I can keep my friends can keep up with the fast growing Madison and our daily adventures. It wasn't so that my parents can hardly understand what I am saying and then pester me questions and phone calls.
But hey, here they go ruining it all again. so I am going back to the original title "My buldging belly" it may not be spelled right but that was not the point in the first place. I felt that there should have been a "d" there to emphasize the bulging and since it is my blog it is my spelling too. I hardly ever write any more because before I write I have to think what my parents would think and what are they going to call and ask. So many events go unrecorded. If that is not Censorship I don't know what is. So here we are back to the original title and hopefully back to the original idea- to just write To write because it feels good not because someone would read it.
and the harsh truth is there are hardly any friends left to update too. No one seems to give a crap any more- no one calls, no one emails, no one says how are you, do you need someone to talk to, do you need a hug.
But that's fine because when hard times hit only true friends hang around.
And here we are hard times are here but there is no one around. and the silence is deafening. It Screams. You are alone.
And that's fine too- after all haven't I been alone all my life. There were very few passers by who stuck around long enough for the bad times and eventually they all went their way too. But I am still here and I still stand. I've been through enough to know that I can take it. Especially now when I know that there are people who love me and who need me. My own family. Not the one that for years took for granted that I should love them and be there no matter what they do. And they still haven't realized that that love and care are not an entitlement that runs through one's veins. They are a privilege that has to be earned. Through unconditional love and affection. And they are still in denial when it comes to our relationship- denial that I have anything in common with them.
I have the family I chose- it may be dysfunctional but it is mine. And I would never take it for granted that they should love me and be close to me.


E