Fear

Although I hardly have time to sit and ponder about this little baby coming into our lives, somehow fear finds a way to creep in.

I am afraid that he's getting too big and I will have to have a C-section. I am afraid that I won't love him enough, that I won't have the same bond with him as I have with Madison.

I am afraid of how she is going to take a new person sharing our lives and attention. Is it going to hurt her or leave her neglected.

I am afraid he won't be as good as Madison was when she was a baby and I will have a really hard time breastfeeding and taking care of him.

I am afraid I won't have enough milk and will have to give formula, and that's not the end of the world but ....

I am afraid having too kids will be too much. I am having trouble with one, and that's because I don't have enough patience with her.

I am afraid something can be wrong with him and God knows that another kid with some kind of medical condition will drive me insane and depressed.

So many things to be afraid of, there is almost no room left for excitement or joy.

I am afraid that I may have hard labor, or that Jeff won't be around when I go into labor, that It would go so quick that I won't make it to the hospital, that there would be no one around to take Madison and I will freak out.

Where do all these fears come from?

I am hoping that this is all natural.... may be. May be I am just going crazy.

Good news is we  are finally getting some speech therapy for Madison. Third time is a charm and EI fianally figured out that she is not talking at the level of a 2 year old. We are having the IFSP meeting next Thursday and her session should start the following week. I am excited. I hope she improves her skills and we'll be communicating better .

Sometimes I need to remind myself to calm down and  take a deep breath..... it's not as easy as it sounds, though.

May be a yoga class can help.....

E